Thursday, May 19, 2011

A Step Behind...

My entire life I have felt like I am a step behind-
-last to be picked for a team
-last one to finish a race
-last years clothes from the clearance rack
-last to be invited
-last to get a date
-last to join
-last to love

Everything in my life has always been a struggle.
Nothing has ever come easy.
I look around and see everyone with things and lives I want.

Why is this my life? Why have I been hurt more than I have been loved? Why do I draw to people who hurt me?

What did I do wrong?
---maybe if I were thinner
---maybe if I were prettier
---maybe if I were richer
---maybe if I were smarter
---maybe if I were a boy
---maybe if I gave in
---maybe if I hadn't
---maybe if I conformed
---maybe if I would have been a leader
---maybe if I weren't me

Maybe one day I will get the things I dreamed of.
Maybe one day I will get the man I prayed for.
Maybe one day I will get the family I hoped for.
Maybe one day I will at least love me- even if no one else will.


elizabeth said...

People love you Stacy! And more importantly God loves you! He created you the way you are. We all make mistakes, we're sinners. What we cant forget are these simple but very difficult things we as humans tend to forget...
1. Trust Him. He would not give us more than we could handle. Let go of things that are not in your control, work on the things that are.
2. Its in His time, not our own. And His plan, not our own. Have faith and patience in it. He is not of this world. We so often live of this world instead of keeping ever present the next. Less of ourselves more of Him.
3. Relationships you build may hurt you but they also teach you. They form you. You wouldnt be the person you are today without some of the things you went through. But, there are people in your life that want to help you by carrying you to the feet of Jesus or lowering down through the roof. God put those people there with reason. Lean on them, surround yourself with other believers you'll learn so much about your relationship with God.
4. Forgive. Forgive others for their wrong doings, otherwise you carry unnecessary pain. We can't love fully with that there...
5.Forgive yourself! We wake up each morning a brand new day, blessed to be alive. You get to make the choice to do and be different, be better for yourself because you are worthy and deserving of all the happiness God has to offer.

Stacy, you are an absolutely beautiful person! You have a huge heart. You are special because you are YOU! Be aware of your many blessings and His hand in your life, He's there always! I love you very very much!

Money Marriage & Motherhood said...

We love you Stacy! You're never the last to be invited to my stuff:) When I think about the people I grew up with, you're always at the top of the list!! Love you honey!

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